ch.1

the idiot + the jews

—

There were no sounds.

Or were there many? 

I was born somewhere you may or may not know. Everybody is different.

Sometimes doing what’s easy is not easy.

In Korea, there were people. They said I was born there and adopted through an International Agency to Portland, Oregon. Mt. Hood has alien stories, and my repressed infant memories serve as a nebulous landscape akin to a Surrealist dreamscape like Salvador Dali. I went to the VR exhibit at the museum in Tampa by the bi-planes. That was an artist date with myself.

Julia Cameron wrote a book on the way of the artist.

This has nothing to do with anti-semitism. Middle Eastern politics watch and want me, because their sexual politics and cultures are old, ancient, and primitive compared to my people’s culture - even rarer, myself and my own third-culture kid culture. It may be fourth. That doesn’t really make sense to me. Covfefe.

~

Cali knows she has a big fat booty. She sticks it out. 

She is always right. She says that all of my exes are not good enough. She says that they are too lazy. She is always there for me. It’s been many, many moons. 7 years? The amount of a curse. I think some other people will have at least 10 years bad luck. 

That is real. A THING. 

We have known many idiots together - she and me. One in particular is Christian. And the other is her other “daddy” , Kyle. He is extremely, extremely petty and emotional. He also loves to lie and steal and cheat for drugs and money. He is a Florida Man without a daddy. He said he almost died in a car accident. I bet he was talking shit about me. That happened to a girl in my yoga teacher training class, Rachel… She needed a lot of help and was having a lot of trouble. I really went out of my way and above and beyond to be nice to her, but she took my kindness and generosity for granted. She wasted my time. And she was kinda scary. Her car flipped. 

Anyways, California always has a way of making it about herself. She was from a double-wide looking enclosure with a wire fence. Morgan Wallen probably did that with Joe Biden to prank me. I would never go to Port Charlotte ever and never again. That was another one of those “forced things”. No isn’t an option for some weird, unspoken reasons. Disgusting. 

~ … just break on through to the other side… ~

Seamus. His name was Seamus. His dad named him Seamus. Shamey. He was fat. His mom made him fat. A goldendoodle. Then, everyone started getting those even more, here. Frenchies. One of died. They’re all gay here. I guess my life is the most exciting and important. Everything does revolve around me. That’s how it’s easy to know that it’s a set-up or a hit or a trap or etc. Just take your clothes off. Do you model. I was thinking, we - you should do a photoshoot. I could make you famous. Do you want to do videos. I could make it go viral. 

~ … he used to porn and broke the internet.~ 

That’s his story. Not ours. We aren’t ghostwriters. At least someone is keeping track of things. Someone has to keep track of the actual truth. Cali’s always right. That’s what she’s there for. 

If you go to most drive-thrus and you ask for a dog treat, they’ll give you something. 

It’s just me and Cali. We don’t need a male to “stand by us” to do what… What are they good for - absolutely nothing… I’ve only engaged like 2.5 times, because I took a long pause - I hesitated - and then made it into a joke like - yea a ring pop… he had a son… who asked me to be his mom… It’s like one of those weird things… Like it’s a set-up. No…

The other two times don’t count. 

~

You know when people’s faces change. Like time passes, and they just - look so different?

That’s one of those things about time. I don’t enjoy how people just automatically and dramatically bypass my feelings with lies and jealousy. It’s so weird - how people are fine with lying and pretending to be something that they are clearly and seriously not. The level of fraud and confidence is astounding. What kind of drugs are they on. Why is everyone just getting away with things. Does anybody do their job correctly. Do you just want to give the United States to Russia, China, and the terrorists. Do you just want to give up the Kardashians and the black rappers. I don’t really think that’s the right path to the future for us. 

How many different ways are there to say - excretion. Is it regional. 

The idiot is we. The ancestors that didn’t have to deal with modern realities and technology. Not really, but it is a Florida Man. Florida Man is the idiot. Notice - there is no Florida Woman. 

Maybe I should make that into a podcast. A paid one. On Patreon or something where you have to pay me. Nothing in life is free. I need more adventures. I mean - we need more adventure. Isn’t that so exciting. The craving of exploration. I hope I never love here. 

What’s the point of anything ever. 

They always say that I’m too early. I think they’re too scared and unprepared. They just want to delay and procrastinate to run out the clock, because they are conflict averse. Avoidant. That is an attachment style. Detachment is a way of being - like zen. Nirvana. 

We didn’t mind jews. One of the not-counting “fiancees” - ugh, we don’t know - a pandemic - was Jewish and from Louisiana. That was terrible. Drones stalk and watch and track from Baton Rouge. I didn’t know of these people before being here, so they must have found me. Then they try to make you know them via Spotify surveillance. The Swedish. Fish. Candy. 

I am a shaman. Koreans have shamans. Shamanistic practices are of Asia and Asian descent. I read islamic indo-chinese shamans from the mountains. Their lifestyle is close to nature. 

~

I’m so glad I don’t have a sister. Cali is my rescue bestie. I saved her life. She’s alive because of me. She has needs. She loves to eat. She used to active and social, but you all ruined that for her. Cali has travelled. She likes being in the car with mommy. She would go with one of them. She likes the water and the beach and the parks but not the nudist resorts with the wood walls. She’s even been camping. Isn’t that fascinating for her. She’s really lived life. 

I am grateful for her - my guide dog, my guardian angel. She saved me. 

Every day, we grow closer in our love together, for each other. She does not like being separate from her mommy. She always has to be close by. She is not a fan of men, and she does not like having guests or company or men or women, but she does like children and small dogs. 

You shouldn’t give away personal information. That much data. You shouldn’t tell people about yourself. Lithuania and other tiny countries get to have all the fun. They get to live in their own world with their own culture and economy to do whatever they want. They get to do witchcraft.

~

One of them was called Jew. That was one of his childhood nicknames. Special. 

Ashkenazi jews have brown hair and blue eyes. I think those are Jeffrey Epstein’s type - his sugar babies. Sugaring. They’re sugaring for perks, favors, and “to know people”. Pedophilia is so prevalent in the Middle East. Their culture is different. Do people like that here…

Some people get by and through life by pretending to be charming and speaking and emoting from some false script that they must have downloaded in some private moments of media and imaginative notions where they decide - things have to be a way, because they should. Whatever that is. Most people are skull-numbingly intolerable. Most people - small doses. Must. Why. What’s your fantasy. Why are you alive. Why did you come here. What are you doing. 

~

Some people are essential. Some people are not. Some are original. Some are derivative. How long can that really last though… that type of arrangement… like a social contract that no one received in hard-copy format… so everybody is just supposed to be “fine with that”… 

People act like it’s a felony to not sound like a strung-out, burnt-out whore via Route 66 - city and rural miles and all… What if not everybody enjoys being patronized and lied to a slutty lullaby cadence. What if that doesn’t work for everybody. What if looks don’t matter. What if evil isn’t enough. What if your lies won’t work and get you out of whatever this or any other future attempted-time in the future… What if there’s nothing in store for you. No rainbow. No future. No happiness. No success. No joy. No bliss. 

Just do your visualizations. 

Manifest your best life. 

Money is just energy. 

Receive yourself.